Being scared of the wrong things......
“This is absolutely terrifying”. Yep, words spoken by me as we sailed from the scariest traffic I had actually ever seen (and I had driven in Boston!). We were sailing into a school we were looking at for our daughters and honestly I was shaking when I walked in. Never mind the school was gorgeous, and had amazing academic offerings. The area terrified me too. Where were the green rolling hills? How come everything has a black fence around it? Where will the girls go when they want to get off campus? The whole thing felt terrifying! Now I’m not saying they didn’t go there for that reason, but I have to admit it was front and center in my mind (and they did end up attending a school with, yep, lots of grass and space). Other things that terrified me were the sheer vastness of the homeless population here, terrifying and so sad, the density of everything…like every square inch was “taken up”, too much concrete everywhere. Things were smashed together and there wasn’t any room to breathe it seemed. Meanwhile, the things I was scared of morphed, over the course of 4 years, into things I loved investigating….the big highways had to be conquered so I could go explore all the amazing restaurants and food spots. The sheer number of people here evolved to mean diversity and exploring the many other cultures that call LA home. The school, as it turned out, was only one of an incredible choice of the best schools California has to offer, and we were here to take advantage of it. The cost of living here, another terrifying thing, really forced us to focus on the important things in life…or what we prioritized! Good schools for the girls, food!, good food!, furniture not so much (Yes, I do have a full on love affair with Facebook Marketplace), cars-nope!, leaving weekends wide open to do beach runs and just listen to the waves.
Now, the things I should have been terrified of like losing my health and fires and keeping us in one piece through it all, that didn’t cross my mind. Because I took it all, and I mean all of it, for granted. Why would I be scared of fires? Those aren’t a thing here, at least not the bad kind. And health? C’mon I have been healthy my whole life. Well turns out we shouldn’t have taken any of it for granted. What scared us when we got here was honestly what got us through….the big obnoxious building 6 blocks from the school with the ugly gates was one of the best hospitals in the country that I checked into in September to have one of the best surgeons in the country take out a cyst that had me fearing the worst. The big over-crowded highways that took us quickly to safety when the earth was literally burning up all around us.
I would overall say that nothing, or very few things, scare me now. I guess I am still scared of anything that affects my health, or the health of my family. But everything else is just a situation that I have the power to change. One thing that everyone should be scared of is not living life to the fullest, the very fullest. Do the thing. Take the chance. Prioritize yourself. Do things to make yourself happy because you deserve it. Be scared of NOT doing those things.
I read a quote recently that really resonated with me. “Respectfully, I don’t care who I lose as long as it’s not myself again.” Be scared of losing yourself.
Through it all, and check this as much as you can, just make sure you are scared of the right things. I feel like happiness really depends on that.
xo,
Lesli